so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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