so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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