Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
