Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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