im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
