Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We have started to decorate penises.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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