Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
In other news, I just burned my penis
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
