I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
