Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize