the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
