Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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