Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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