rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
