He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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