I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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