I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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