I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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