You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
