Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
