Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
