i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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