I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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