Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
