I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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