my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Let's get the cat blown out
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
