The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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