Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
