I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
