....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
