that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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