Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
