i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think my vagina is haunted
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
