The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
