Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
