Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
