At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
