guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
