i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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