Will you blow on my dice?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
