im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
