Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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