My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
