take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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