Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
