you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
