No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I supernannyed him into submission
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
