My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
