please come you make the beer taste better
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
