i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
50% drunk capacity currently
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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