You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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