when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize