I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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