I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
