the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
