Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
then he tried to convert me to islam
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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