he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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