I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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