I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
