My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
