sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize