ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
