i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
