I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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