There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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