perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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