Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
