it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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